Jeff

(no subject)

Blah....I'm Confused about a lot of things. Ha..That's so typical of me.


Anyways, I'm thinking of starting a new journal.

I'll post it soon. I have no clue what my new name is going to be though.
Jeff

(no subject)

This is the time where you think everyone that you love someday will all turn there backs on you. I feel like that right now. Crying. That's all I seemed to be doing lately. It fucking never stop and it never helps. I know everyone feels this way too. It just hurts to know someone I cared for is leaving me. I just want to be alone now. And I want to than Anthony, Jodi, Bre, and Jessica for all making me feel better this week becuase without you, I don't think I'd be where I am now
Jeff

I'm Sorry.

Tonight, I cried over something I haven't cried about in a long time. You see my real idol in my life was my grandma Carol. She made a real difference in my life and I will respect her for the rest of my life. You see my father's side of the family was really messed up. My aunt was always in and out of a rehab center and my cousin's were always in some mess but through all of that she stayed strong. That summer before she passed away she had to get a trancrial.( where they poke a hole in your throat so you can breath) We found out she had cancer. In February she died. It always bugged me inside because I could never tell her how much she meaned to me. She lived in Staten Island and we missed her death by 15 minutes. It also bugged me because I always wanted to know if I meant a lot to her too but she couldn't talk. I always wished for one day i could just have it back to the way it was when we used to stay at her old house and how innocent my cousins were. The last good memory I had with my grandma before thing all went downhill was when only me and her were up and we were watching tv and talking about things in life. I know that if my grandma were alive now it wouldn't be the best for some reasons becuase now my 17 year old cousin has had one abortion and she now has a child. Both my cousins drink and do drug and get in trouble with the law all the time. I always wanted to make my family proud or make someone happy but I really don't know anymore.